Friday, March 26, 2010

FAQ Part 2

It’s about time to continue my truly useful (?) FAQ.

Disclaimer: This FAQ’s opinions are personal and by no means should be taken as true for everyone. If you think they are not useful for you, feel free to disregard them. But if you follow them, I won’t be responsible for any side effects. Every human being is unique after all. My A different point of view can’t harm anyone, right?

Question: What is OK to share with my significant other:
My belief is that honesty is really important for a healthy relationship but there are things better left alone or at least said in a proper way. Due to the answers being gender specific, I’ll use M to point to male answers and F for the female counterparts. Easy to follow, right?

1. The ex.
For women there’s a simple answer. Don’t mention him, ever. Just, you know, stay away from the subject. We really have no interest in knowing anything about him. Just let us believe anything we like. We will figure out by ourselves how awful he has been to you, how he couldn’t satisfy you etc. If you still want to tell something, you can reinforce our believes, and maybe we won’t mind. But to be sure stay silent.
Once again you don’t know what she wants from you and of course you’ll never will, but anyway. At the beginning of your relationship a negative mention or two of your ex may or may not be useful. It’s really nice for her to feel more important than any other woman in your life. Phrases that can help include classics like: “You are the only woman that…”, “You are the first that…”, “My ex was nowhere near you in…” and can help you out of difficult situations. Just don’t overdo it. Another risky approach I don’t really endorse is using casually your ex’s name in skills your girlfriend isn’t that good to make her try harder. This is of course extremely risky as well as totally stupid and every girl can see through that. Finally I point once again to keep the mentions to your ex to a bare minimum. If you aren’t capable of doing so, not only you are not over her but your current girlfriend knows it too.

2. The mother:
Never mention her. There are only rare cases of good relationships between your moms and your girlfriends. In these cases you’re safe. But for everything else a single notion of your mother’s cooking or cleaning skills will get you with little fail to an out of nowhere fight. 
F. The girls can mention their mothers any time, keeping in mind their mutual liking.

3. The Father:
Actually most fathers have come to terms with the idea that someday their precious little girls will consider someone else as their man of their lives and keep a nice relationship with him. If you find yourself in this situation, feel free to mention him. But you should also keep in mind the advice for men and their mothers. In the same way stay clear for mentions like: “My father drives better than you” to stay away from trouble. If they, on the hand, have a rocky relationship to start with, not mention him at all.
M. Finally an easy suggestion. Speak about him anytime, unless she keeps calling him “pervert” or “creep”. If so, stay clear.

4. General suggestions:
Already mentioned, honesty is at most importance in a healthy relationship. In usual cases you must be able to share almost every detail without issues. Just keep in mind that there is a time for everything so try to find a proper moment for telling her/him you news or stories from your past. To be sure find times with no anxiety. Finally, if you’ve read this FAQ to find a way to tell your loved one about an infidelity or misuse of her/his trust I can’t help you. Your issue isn’t the way to tell her/him but what you’ve done.

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